Accidentally High
CBD does not have high levels of THC at all. But 2 CBD pills at 1500mg each did something. (Is a fluke pill possible????) Because my back was killing me (chronic pain), I needed help…and I happened to sky rocket to space. MY BAD. On my trip to the stars, everything changed. I wrote the following when I was in my rocket:
“It was so crazy cuz I started this book club thing and when we are all together I have been hearing a lot of you are this way or that way…just like observations and I’m like what? You like take note of what I’m doing or like how I am and what my mannerisms are? I thought I was under the radar. I thought that no one really noticed how I am or my expressions and I sure hope they don’t remember how I tell a terrible story. But I guess people notice me. Am I awkward? And I well received? I thought so…and I think so but now I’m not really sure. Who are my best friends? Do I have any? Oh my gosh am I a hater? Wrong paradigm? Why can’t I tell a story? Questions questions questions. Do I care what people are thinking?”
I read that and want to give myself a hug. I do feel lonely, I do. I think going through such a dark season of suffering and coming out of it, it feels like something is a little wrong with me. Like why are people paying attention to me? Does everyone hate me? Is there something on my face?? Lol. Like really…why am I being noticed? Is it positive or negative?! Cuz I am only taking it as negative.
I’ve been big on telling people positive things that pop up in my head about them or complimenting people, because, think for a second for real, how many times do you hear positive affirmations about yourself from people? Even strangers? Like no one is saying what they feel and think! Not until it’s your freaking funeral!!!!
So I guess I kind of noticed that I’m insecure after such a hard season of life and I don’t have many friends building me up from the same suffering level I have been at…like real-deal supportive eye contact, heart contact, soul contact love. But like how in the heck are you suppose to make best friends at 29? And how do you know who’s safe? Where’s someone that can meet me where I am or be open to wanting to be in the same zone?
I made a list the other day of my deepest most special call-when-you-need-them, share-everything and hang out all-the-time friends (besides my husband, my og bff) …it’s not that long…like at all. I don’t want to be alone. I deeply desire a really fun group of best friends where I could have a 30th birthday party* with next month, you know? I’m not opposed at all to making the efforts to get closer to people and in fact that is very much what I am shooting for lately and its been fun!
Something I recently learned which is like duhh! is that we don’t have to try to be friends with people we don’t particularly jive with. Even better, we don’t need to put ourselves in situations that are draining to us personally…for me, my top situations that I am solely surviving in are: restaurants, house parties, video chats, pool parties, dinner parties, movie nights, concerts, backyard bbqs and theme parks. Lol that’s a lot of places where I feel like I should be able to thrive at.
But if I’m being honest even with myself…yup, don’t thrive at those places. I am more of a gal who thrives at bars, the gym, coffee shops, nature and cafes. So more one on one and personal. (*I said I want a 30th birthday “party” up in the previous paragraph…my type of party is where everyone is interacting and bonding together…personal connections being made! Like a game night!)
Anyways, I realize that I need to find friends that like the same things I like and thrive in the same places I thrive in. Like making art and working out! And nature and coffee shops!
Have you ever had a conversation with someone that you thought about for the rest of the day and it just feels like pure dopamine and joy and it just felt so good because you felt seen and loved?! Those are the best! That is my goal on relationships. I don’t really want anything else.
Getting super high accidentally made me get my priorities straight! So should we all take 3,000 mg of CBD and see that life could be so much better surrounding ourselves with TRUE friends that give us pure joy?! Maybe. But you didn’t hear that from me..
jk ;)
You know how people say “If you ever need a friend, I’m here” or “Let me know if you need to talk” or “I wish they reached out to me so I could be there for them”. Well, this is me reaching out…
I would LOVE to be your friend!
